The place to rant

A place to let off some steam

5th grade

In the 5th grade I swear everyone was out to hurt me. My best “friends” and even my crush. I was very insecure because as a girl I guess I had hairy arms,everyone would mention it even family members, I remember my dad saying “you have arms like me” I laughed but when he left I hid under the bed and cried. So i would wear a jacket everyday no matter the weather. Eventually I came up with the courage to nor wear a jacket,I don’t remember what happened someone probably said something. Another thing was I had the biggest crush on a blonde haired blue eyed boy,cutest boy in the school and he knew I liked him but I could rarely talk to him. In the second grade I accidentally kissed him on the cheek because we both turned at the same time. One of my friends(prettier then me) liked him too and they dated (she knew I liked him,everyone did) she would brag and kiss him on the cheek in front of me,I’d laugh it off because if I cried then I’d be a sensitive cry baby, I’d only cry at home alone or to my mom,she called me overly sensitive about anything I cried over. One time I looked at one of his other girlfriends and tried wearing the same things to see if he’d notice me (pretty lame) some of the “popular” girls tried fake friending me just to find out my secrets (that’s how everyone knew I liked him btw also cuz I kissed him) humiliating. I remember trying to move on,I started to like his friend instead because he actually talked to me but turned out he only talked to me to find out if my friend liked him,they dated for 3 days the he dated my other friend and didn’t tell me,I felt so ugly and used and angry,picture day I got my hair cut shoulder length and got blonde highlights and my first crush said he liked it,and he bet me he could pick me up,I said no because I was scared that he couldn’t even though I was a skinny kid for not exactly eating a lot. I was hoping that someday that boy would come over and confess his love for me and we’d get married (btw never happened) my so called friends always used me because I wasn’t afraid to talk to guys they liked for them except for HIM. One of my best friends hurt me the most,I don’t remeber what I said but she was hanging out with someone else so she turned around and said, “no,your gonna die alone.” That was the first time I cried at school, the teacher made us talk about it in front of the whole class. I left for half the year to a different school because I moved in with my grandma,before I left I told HIM I was leaving and he was like “that sucks” and started flirting with another girl,also a different person was leaving and we through a going away party for them but with me it’s “oh,okay. That sucks. I’ll miss ya” from maybe 3 people. When I left I was the new girl. A boy called me ugly my first week and I only made one friend and that was the other new girl,we both wore jackets and we related to a lot of the same things. When I went back to my other school I didn’t get much of a welcome back maybe like 2 people missed me,from what I know of. The guy forgot about me but I was still always thinking about him,I was hoping he missed me but turns out he was dating the popular group of girls. There was him,his two friends with the same name (to keep names out let’s just say thing 1 and thing 2) HE always went back and forth the two out of three girls and thing one dated the nicest one. I’ll never forget any of that Because that’s what made me what I am. I became suicidal in the 6th grade not over any guys though. Now I’m here ranting on a website because I’m to insecure to tell anyone this story also everyone I try to talk to makes it about them so I let it go and listen,this is better than nothing. 😔😣 I don’t have to fake a smile here because no one knows who I am.

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2 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    I’m not sure how old you are now but sweety you have got to let it go! I was the shy, fat I secure friend d of the group too. You gotta let all that school yard bs roll off your shoulder. Be true to yourself and that’s all that matters. If people don’t like you that’s fine. Most people are fucking assholes anyway. Hope you learn to have confidence in yourself. You only have one life, make the most of it!

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The place to rant