Honestly college kinda sucks. Pretty much every single expectation I had coming into college has fallen flat.
•I have no real friends. People seem to like me a lot and call out my name and wave when I see them around campus. But when the weekend comes and it’s time to actually hang out with someone, nobody hits me up and I feel like I have no one to call. I’m surrounded by acquaintances and it sucks. Back in my hometown I had five friends who I absolutely adored and talked to all the time but now I’m in this new city and I have no one, and it feels like everyone else has already found groups of friends.
I’ve been trying to fight it for months but I’m developing feelings for my asexual roommate and it fucking sucks. He’s the closest thing I have to a friend here and I would never, ever risk it. Not to mention that we’re totally incompatible because he’s asexual and I’m hypersexual. And he asked to be my roommate again next year and on one hand I want to say yes because, like I said, he’s the closest thing I have to a friend. But I feel like if I live with him for another year I’m going to completely fall in love with him so I have to say no.
My gender dysphoria honestly makes sex/dating so complicated and I really fucking hate being trans sometimes and I just wanna say, “fuck it” and go back in the closet. People are attracted to me all the time but it’s usually straight guys that don’t respect my identity at all so then I’m put in the position of having sex with a guy who just sees me as a woman or being terribly sexually frustrated