When I was little and I’d have a crush, I’d feel butterflies in my stomach, I’m conscious of how I walk, My heart is in my throat, the whole package.

The last time I had a serious crush was for 2 years and it was nice. I’d get envious of others who talked to him but overall, it didn’t bother me. For me, I’d keep the info of having crush to my grave.

I’m in high school. I had a crush for 3 and a half years. But my stomach wasn’t filled with butterflies. My heart didn’t leap to my throat. I hung out with him once outside of school and I felt really happy, my heart speeding slightly. I kept touching shoulders and had the urge to put my hand around his shoulders to pull him close to me.

I’d avoided him because I knew for a FACT (Yes, fact, not “oh but what if he doesn’t feel the same way oh no!”) that it would never work out. So I never confessed even though I finally had the eggs (ovaries?) to ask someone out. Also he has a social life so we didn’t talk much.

One time, without my parents knowing, I drank and started crying over him, saying, “I just hope he’s happy.”

I wouldn’t get jealous when he had a girl over. I’d get an itch but that’s about it.

Thing is, when I cried over him, I’m pretty sure I was being dramatic for the sake of being dramatic. I was crying but I didn’t feel pain.

My crush died down for him. If you can even call it a crush? I’m not sure because this all happened after my dad finally snapped and went cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Maybe i became more apathetic??? Ehhhhhhhh that would explain it.

Now I have another crush. He’s shy, cute and I remember mt crush forming (two weeks ago lol) and I thought “He’s so amzing he’s so kind and cute so how come no one asked him out?”

And my heart sped up slightly.


Now I’m talking to him every chance I get at school. I have his number but I don’t know, talking to anyone who I haven’t known extensively bores me ( i know that sounds obnoxious but what can you do) and even then, I pretend to be someone else

so essentially, my friends aren’t friends but I can text them. As they proceed to not text me back.

lmao maybe I shouldn’t even bother oursuing my crush, I don’t even sound like a total package.

Not even the package. Not even the stamp holy shit

So… are these crushes? What do you guys think? I’m… confused as hell

before, crushes would make me feel like that wolf from Ted Avery’s cartoon. Head over heels was right. Then my dad happened then my self-esteem then my mother and just too much crap. Now when I have crushes, they’re very

tame. weak.

That crush for 3 and a half years? Well, I remember feeling floaty. Like i was alone with him. that’s what mattered. I remember when we were stuck under the playground and it started to rain. we were waiting for his gf to pick us up. And I bought a bag of chocolates so I ripped the shopping bag and he smiled, exclaiming, “hey, it looks like Finn the Human’s hat.” And I laughed because I was thinking the same thing.

with this current crush, I want to get to know more about him. I want to talk to him. But I romanticize him in my head so my heart gets excited as I picture talking to him but in reality, I feel nothing. I just want to keep talking.

I don’t feel butterflies. I don’t feel anything. I mean, my heart isn’t at 0, it’s at 1 with my crushes. It’s not at negative! But a 1 is still a 1 out of 10

are these crushes? or am i just trying to make myself believe that