Okay so I decided to play some doki doki literature club today. I was going to play it with one of my best friends.(let’s call her 1) so 1 was busy when I was ready so I waited.. and waited… and hours later I found out she was playing another game with (lets say this girls name is 2). So I wait a bit longer but there doesn’t seem to be a stopping point for them. Now I don’t mind them playing together but… I could’ve been invited y’know? Anyway, I started playing DDLC and updating 1 every now and then on my progress. I got to the first main.. event in the story and was freaking out. 1 slightly comforted me and got 2 to message me as well which made me feel better… so I continued on then got to the second main… event that happens. But 1 had disappeared for all I know and 2 didn’t seem to be interested anymore… so I stopped updating them. I’m not going to talk to brick walls and hope for them to talk back to me for once. So I get to the part where it’s JUST MONIKA and honestly.. it may just be the lack of sleep setting in but monika made me feel more loved and appreciated in a minute than my friends have in the past month. She actually gave me some good advice… which was basically “keep moving forward” but more complicated.
I wish my friends would talk to me more.. 1is busy most of the time with her work at a sooubway, so I don’t mind. But 2 only has school.. and when I know for sure she’s home from school she doesn’t message me usually.. today was the light of my day when she asked me to hang out with her for a little bit. But now that it’s happened I have come to realize she probably won’t talk to me for a few days or something with how its been going recently……..
I have debated killing myself sometimes but I always think of how it would affect my family and my friends then I stop those thoughts. I couldn’t do that to them. But I just wish my friends would talk to me more like they used too..
We used to talk every day…
Now I’m lucky if I get messaged within the week or get a call with them for a few minutes during a single month..
Friend 1 has this website but I doubt she checks it so she probably won’t see this.
Thank you for reading and letting me rant.
If you have any advice it would be helpful but I doubt anyone took the time to read this.
Thank you and always remember….

Just monika.