I’m friends with someone for 6 years and geniunely, I enjoyed their company. But deep inside, they are the cause of my insecurities. It is true that I have low self-esteem and low confidence. But whenever I spend time with them, I would hate myself and become really toxic to myself. Sometimes, I’d hit myself to let off steam because of how frustrated I am. It would reach a point where I think about ending my own life. That person is everything I’m not. And I’m afraid in going into relationships because the people I like would end up liking that person or I’d get paranoid and assume they like that person. I want to avoid them and cut off communication with them but I don’t want them to get hurt. They are really kind and fun to be with but it’s not healthy for me to stay friends with them.