That casual suicidal feel you know??? Like i want to die and im not gonna kill myself but like i really want to like??? Get run over or something???? Fatally. Like idk what it is about the end of the year but i know next year just isnt gonna be nice to me like???? Ive got exams and entrance exams and i need to pick basically my career and i cant look that far into the future like???? When i think of a future for myself i cant think of anything except the unrealistic. How do people do this??? How do people know exactly what and exactly who and why and fuck omg i just???? I know i need to get my life together but how do i do that??? WHY am i doing that? I need a set path to follow like a “just follow the straight fucking line and get to your destination” except its not a straightline its like a tightrope then a few jumps fuCKING LEAPS like glass roads every now and then and twists and turns and too many routes to branch into and they all lead to death anyway!!! Whats the point when i would literally pray to die in my sleep??? Why do i never think then think to much? Why am i fucking stupid compared to everyone i know yet i try the hardest why isnt it working why just fuck FUCK