Sigh. I feel like shit. I opened up. I finally opened up to him and he judged. Can you believe that? I opened up and he judged. I feel so horrible. He said, i’m stupid. He said, i’m fucking crazy. Idk. Really? Why is it so easy to believe him? I liked him. No. I still like him. Am i really that stupid? People don’t get that i’m addicted to cutting and it’s hard to stop. I promise i was trying not to cut! I fucking promise! Idk. I had a fight and then i lost it. I lost it, man. I lost it and i cut. Fuck me. But what hurts is that i never thought he’d judge me. Why do people judge? why? I wanna die. I have pills. I can overdose. But i’m scared. I’m scared of death. I wanna cry. I wanna scream. But i have no energy to cry or scream. I learned something from life yesterday. Do not open up. DO NOT OPEN UP. Haha. People judge. Why?! I never thought he’d say this. I do deserve to cut, don’t i? I do. I know. I’m a fucking crazy person. I’m bad. I’m horrible. I wanna die. I wish i could talk to someone, ya know? I have no one. And i’d never open up to anyone now. I promise. NO ONE. I like him. Psst. I love him. I still do. He’s really nice. He isn’t bad at all though. He helps my sister and he never judges her. Maybe, i am stupid. It’s alright. I forgive him. But i feel so bad. I can’t stop thinking. I’m stupid. I’m stupid. I’m stupid. Oh God, help me. Idk what to do anymore. I can’t stop cutting! And it fucking hurts to cut and i wanna fucking stop but idk how to fucking stop and ugh fuck life. Can i die? Why am i such a coward? I know people have bigger problems. But this is too much. I don’t think i’ll ever stop cutting. Dude, i fucking hate myself so much. I feel so disgusted of myself. I’m a fucking loser. I’m ugly af. No one cares. No fucking one cares. Oh God, i can’t take this anymore. I can’t. No one is nice anymore. I miss my best friend. Oh God, i miss her. Even she won’t understand, i know. But i miss her. I wanna hug her. I wanna fucking cry rn so bad but idk why i’m not crying. I’m hurt. I’m hurting. It’s getting hard to breathe here. I don’t wanna stay here. All my family does is fight and my sister, she’s so nice. Idk why my family does this with her. But she also doesn’t understand me. I never open up to her. I love her and if something happens to her idk how will i live. Why is it getting hard to breathe? My chest feels heavy and what i’m feeling rn in unexplainable. Idk if i’m making any sense. I’m sleep deprived. I can’t sleep. My thoughts, they won’t go away. I can’t stop thinking. I wanna cut again. Psst. No. Let’s not cut. Sigh. I feel like shit.