Here’s a bit of a background. I was born in Vietnam to a missionary family. We then moved to Indonesia when I was two. We moved back to the states when I was six. For the first 13 or so years of my life, I was very “spiritual”. If I did anything wrong I would feel terrible about, even if it was just a small thing. Then starting eighth grade, my life spiraled downhill. I fell into depression, partly because my church was falling apart, partly because my best friend was diagnosed with epilepsy, and partly because I’m just a teenager. Then his year it got so bad that I wanted to kill myself multiple times. One time I even took a lot of pain killers and used them to try to commit suicide. Obviously it didn’t work. Then my parents found the letter, and I was put into a hospital. In the hospital I tried to be spiritual and find hope in “God”. But eventually once I got out I understood that either God didn’t exist or just doesn’t care. Why else would he make so many people die for no cause? Why else would he make a child suffer through cancer? Why else would he let so many people live with epilepsy when they did nothing to deserve it? Why does he allow people to become depressed and kill themselves? I realized that he didn’t care and neither did most of the people in my church. The two people in my church that knew what was going on never asked about me even though I could very well have been dead. Most Christians that I know are hypocrites. From what I have been taught, cursing is wrong, stealing is wrong, talking behind people’s back is wrong, having pity on yourself is wrong. But so many people do all of these and still identify as a Christian. So I decided not to identify as a chiristian because I don’t want to ruin their reputation even more. Even though I don’t believe in a good god, I won’t judge other people that actually believe and show that they believe. I’m fine with whatever people want to believe as long as they’re fine with what I choose to believe. I’m sorry that this was so long but it feels sorta nice to sit get it off of my chest. Thanks for reading all the way if you did. You’re a trooper, BYE!!