I was in shocked to hear that my ex bf’s glioblastoma recurrence. This time he has no insurance and not enough money to pay the upfront surgery fee of USD75000. His friend (or his gf) set up a website for donation.

I am in intense sorrow. All the memories I had with him started to flash back. I kept imagining his funeral, that I would just be the last person to arrive and have all the time I have, crying and mourning. I never had the chance to kiss him nor to say that his presence has changed my life.

I definitely wouldn’t want this to happen but, it’s the most aggressive cancer with no treatment. I feel as though sooner or later that image would be a reality.

I even imagine to fly to Singapore and visit him in the hospital. But, I’m too afraid to face him. I might not know what to say but, just ‘ Hey, long time no see..How have you been?” Once I look into his eyes, tears would definitely roll down my cheeks.

Why do I still have feelings for him? Why do I care? Why do I even keep refreshing the donation page and worry whether he would reach his target?

Do I still love him? Or am I just sympathize him? I don’t know… All I know is I am in intense sorrow.