The place to rant

A place to let off some steam

I hate my fucking friend

I know nobody will read this, but im going to type it anyways, perhaps letting off a little steam will make me feel a bit better.

So, we used to be great friends. We’d talk pretty much all day and night, everyday, about absolutely anything that came to our minds. I had her back and was there for her and her the same for me. Shes depressed and has anxiety. Mind you, we dont live nearby but I was there whenever she needed me and for as long as she needed..all she had to do was text/call. I did everything i could possibly do for her when she was panicking or suicidal, i even talked her out of overdosing when she was in the midst of stuffing pills in her mouth. Her depression rubbed off on me. I care about her so much, i love her, but seeing her this way has got me feeling depressed. She’s changed. I dont know her anymore. I used to be the one she ran to when she needed someone. She got new friends. She’s dating now. She has no time for me. She takes days to respond to a simple text and often completely igonres them altogether, changing it to the issue she wants to rant to me about. She acts cold to me. I feel like all she ever does is lie to me because things she says, dont add up. She makes me hate myself even more then i already do. She says she still cares about me, but i dont think she means that. Shes probably just saying it. Im fucking tired of her games and bullshit. Ive taken years of my time, trying to make sure shes okay. AND THEN SHE FUCKING DISTANCES HERSELF FROM ME LIKE I NEVER EVEN MATTERED IN THE FIRST PLACE, SHE REPLACED ME, TOSSED ME LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING TRASH. I FEEL HURT. REALLY HURT. I HATE HER SO FUCKING MUCH. YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES SHES SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME? MADE ME WORRY SICK? MADE ME CRY? ….TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT. I cant take it anymore. Day by day, the amount i care about her goes down. I dont think i care if she disappears. I know, i sound like selfish piece of fucking shit, a jealous asshole, a no good nothing… but i cant change that. Thats just how i feel…and i hate it. I wish i could just mould myself into that perfect person that she would always want around. Truth be told..im a very lonely person..i dont want to be alone. Im scared of loosing the couple people i care about. My anxiety doesnt let me be social, so ive got only a few friends because they befriended me. This friend of mine causes me mental and physical pain. I hate her. Why dont literal red flags pop up at the start of relationships (of any kind) that will end up turning sour? Wouldnt that be nice. I dont think im needed in this friendship anymore.

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1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    I feel you.
    It’s fucking frustrating, but maybe this was here to help you. idk.
    it’s weird sometimes.

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The place to rant