Just putting a rant out here and if anyone actually reads this thanks. To start off I have pimples and scars and of course I’m insecure, of course I am. I am from a family of beautiful people and I do not think myself as one. My aunts are beautiful, my mom is beautiful, and my cousins my age are beautiful. I compare myself to my cousins because every single person compares themselves, even if they say they do not. I compare myself and tell myself “I am okay, I am okay” when I myself know that I do not feel that way at all. To be very honest, I know that my dad’s five sisters and mom, do not love me and my siblings. I know, trust me I know; I am the oldest. My grandmother treats my mom as if she has done wrong when she hasn’t. My aunts talk behind both my dad, their brother, and my mom. And I know they do not love me and my siblings as they love my other cousins. I do a lot more than my seven month older cousin, I do a lot more for my aunts than her. Yet I do not get anyhting in return. I do not get the money she gets when she babysits or when she does laundry, I do not. I simply take care of them, watch them, and do their laundry and take a thank you only. I want a career in art, I want art as a career, and my aunts know that but they try not to acknowledge that, for I know they know I’m better as cocky as that sounds, this is also with how much I do for them. My parents, I love them so so so much, but sometimes I can’t stand them. I stay home most of the time on my phone and babysitting my youngest sister, and I do not do nothing except that. I also wash the dishes, sweep the house, clean the house, and many many more. I know my parents acknowledge what I do, but sometimes it’s too much when you are the oldest, when you have to do way more than the others, you have the responsibility to hold. Also speaking of my siblings, since I’m the oldest I do a lot for them, and sometimes they do not see. They do not see how hard it is for me to hold back the tears when they say they hate me, they do not see how hard I cry sometimes, they do not see how hard I try for them; they do not see. I like Kpop, yes, Kpop, and I do not know how many times I’ve had to turn it off knowing that my uncles and dad do not like. They don’t particularly like it, yet they make fun of it, as if those boys and girls did not work hard for this dream of theirs to come true. And I hate that a lot really, a lot. I know that my life is not the worse, yet sometimes it does, it really does. I am not beautiful, I do so much and do not get anything in return, I hold to so much responsibility, and I have to hide. I know my life is not the worse, but sometimes it feels like I am suffocating, it really does. I am bottled with so much feelings and thoughts and guilt eats away at me. I know my life is not the worse, but it feels like to me, but to be honest, I am glad to be experiencing these things, because I know I will be strong, and I know I am strong, today, tomorrow and every single day. I am glad to be experiencing these things at a young age, because now I know, that the world is not cruel, but the people are.