I really feel like I can’t fully function anymore. Everyday that I wake up is painful. When I try to get on with my life, my thoughts are flooded with negativity and I can’t stop myself from crying every night and during the day too. I feel like I’m being mentally tortured and it’s not fair. I know that other people have it worse than me but I really can’t take this. When people talk to me, they are so full of energy but when it’s time for me to reply I can barely do so without feeling so lifeless, I have to “fake” laugh and “fake” smile. I really don’t mean to make others upset but I just do, my depression is turning me into a heartless monster. I feel so dumb and lazy as well. All I do is lay in bed to escape from reality but when I wake up, I feel so useless because I haven’t done anything productive. School is stressful and takes too much effort. People tease me, my grades aren’t as good as I would like them to be and my attendance is shit. School is so tiring. It’s a drag to even get out of bed in the mornings, it’s a drag to study, it’s a drag to talk to people, it’s a drag to talk, it’s a drag to walk, it’s a drag to exist. I just really don’t want to be here anymore. It hurts to be alive, my past still haunts me, I’m ugly and so much more is on my mind but it’s really complicated. I wish I would just die right now.