i want a best friend so much. i just want someone to have inside jokes with, someone to laugh with, someone to come over without saying anything, someone willing to do anything with me. someone who i can go to the mall with and go shopping and take their advice or just be high and be crazy. someone who i can tell all my secrets to. someone who i can trust enough to see me naked. someone who i can cry with. someone who trusts me enough to tell me their secrets, and i won’t say a word. someone who will help me without a second glance, and vice versa. someone i can fart in front of and we’ll laugh about it. someone who’ll give me advice. someone who will go anywhere and do anything with me.

i’ve never had a best friend before.

and for some reason, my friends all hang out without me. no one invites me to things, and no one asks if i’m available. no one has inside jokes with me that are recurring. there is no one who i feel safe enough around to go crazy and laugh my head off and be extroverted and love life and dance and shout. is it because i’m an introvert? is it because i’m not pretty? is it because i’m too nice? is it because i’m not smart enough? is it because i’m too smart? is it because i’m not popular? is it because i’m not white? is it because i’m not good at singing? is it because i’m not funny? is it because i’m too skinny? is it because i’m bookish?
i need answers, please

Dear Some Higher Being,
please send me a best friend. i’m desperate and lonely. i need a hug and an “i love you”. i need validation. thank you.