Alright. i don’t know why i’m ranting here instead of angrily scribbling on my diary as per usual. but whatever. i’m here. it’s like, three days before school and i’m not fucking ready. i mean, i’ve never been ready but there’s just some satisfaction in saying–writing that out loud. i’m not fucking ready.

first of all, i failed my plan to catch up on the SBM thing, which has been expected, but it still stung and i should probably beat my own ass for doing a marathon on K-dramas. but they’re such a moodbooster in this cold, lonely world. so i don’t know. i already fucked up last semester and this is supposed to be a new start. and i’m fucking it up before it starts smh what am i gonna do with my life.

also, i promised that i would work my ass off catching up on the social lessons because apparently i flunked the science lessons but then.

but then.

my parents want me to tutor this relative who wants to get into a flight attendant school whatsoever. because apparently i’m qualified to tutor someone english. the pro is that a couple of bucks should be expected, which is always good. the con is that. bitch. do. i. even. have. time.

i mean, i probably do. but holy fuck. National Exam, SBM, and that english tutoring at the same time. Not to mention i was planning to have my own life together and not constantly break down because of the vainest things like my appearance to something like inevitable loneliness and craving for human connection.

speaking of appearance, i thought this year was gonna be the year when i will stop wearing surgical masks everywhere because i dont want people to see my zits. but guess what. they get worse. beside the usual breakout, i notice i’d been sprouting chin hair and facial hair whatsoever and you know what i do when something fishy is going on? i looked it up on google and guess fucking what’s the problem with self diagnosis? i either have pcos or hirsutism, which really freaks me out as there’s this girl who grew a beard thicker than my dad’s. i mean. holy fuck. zits i can deal with, but beard? good lord, pls help.

when i asked my mom about it, she just brushed it off and said that she also has chin hair but when i looked at her chin there aint none sign of that hair bitch are you playing with me but idk then i see these girls with zero facial hair and zero zits and i’m just so mad. i dont know who i’m mad at but i am just so. fuck this i have no plan right now i should probably just wallow is self-loathe and stuff