The place to rant

A place to let off some steam


okay, so technically the kid isn’t my boyfriend, but he’s pretty damn close, i mean we sort of have this “friends with benefits” thing going on but it’s monogamous?? anyway hi. some might say i don’t know what love is bc i’m young but i am in love with this guy. his name is marshall, after my favorite rapper. they have the same haircut and everything, and that’s probably why i started liking him in the first place, but then i got to really know him. i was.. in eighth grade. when we first met, he tried to pull me out of a tree and kill me. that’s the way i remember at least, he claims he was just messing around. him and i have had many ups and downs. he’s asked me out about 4 times and each time i declined. the first was actually more of a “i have to think about it” more than a “no”. i did like him at the time, but was also confused and unsure. he was a bad kid. sis was 15 & he got suspended often, he brought a vape to school everyday & had gotten in trouble with the cops one-too-many times. he was good if you wanted weed though. ANYWAYS after he ask me out, however, he was flirting and all over this chick named alex. he asked her out that day and and completely forgot about me. this hurt for weeks and i didn’t be talk to him. i saught comfort in my friend lily, who was going through a breakup with one of marshall’s friend’s. when we did finally see each other again, i continuously punched him, telling him that i loved him and how he hurt me. he apologized multiple times, saying he never wanted to lose me and was all over me like he had been before this all happened. he kissed me… like nothing happened. i was really happy things were getting better. it was prom night for my school and he complimented me on how beautiful i looked. he had asked me out the day before and i was thinking of saying yes finally (okay, break. to anyone thinking, “tf is she doing she should be focusing on her work” i passed all my state tests, reading & writing had the top scores & i graduated with a 4.0 and 3.5 high school credits in eighth grade, sis was fine) he made we feel all amazing and when we got inside he asked me to dance. i was nervous and sat down with lily. she began talking and in that moment my heart dropped to my ass and i wanted to cry. this was our conversation:
“can i tell you something?”
“of course.”
“you cant get mad.”
and for whatever reason i knew what was coming. she told me how she liked marshall but felt bad because i did too. i wasn’t mad, if fact, i decided that i couldn’t hurt a friend like that by saying yes to him, as much as i wanted to. lily was a great friend and i couldn’t hurt her.
june 3rd was the worst day of my life. technically, the days following were, but you’ll understand. that day, our little group was hanging out and my invite got lost in the mail. i was scrolling through instagram and say that lily had gone to marshall’s house and i was kinda scared. that night, my friend john asked if i still liked him, but nothing more. at school i asked what he asked for, and that’s when i learned that marshall and lily had sex. he took her virginity. instead of crying, i laughed. i was so angry. i said no to be a good friend and she betrayed me. she betrayed john too, for she broke up with him two days before she f**ked his best friend. i didn’t speak to either of them for a while. of course, i cant hold grudges though and i forgave both of them.
now, marshall asked me out again, and i told him i have to have some time. the thought of them disgusts me, ya know? he says that he is madly in love with me and he is going to change for me and wait and more nonsense. he said lily was a mistake. i just can’t do that to myself though ? be with him after all the repulsive things i heard took place that day. they both don’t seem to understand that; i gag at the thought of june 3rd. i just don’t want lily’s sloppy seconds. regardless of i love him or he loves me or not. i don’t accept leftovers. is this unreasonable??


End this pain.


Selfish Partner? Or is it me?

1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    Nope and the fact that she did that is wrong as hell you don’t need him if one second he’s grinning in your face the next he’s in the bedroom with no other than your best friend and his friends gf.

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The place to rant