The place to rant

A place to let off some steam

My Fucked Up Love Story

So this is a long ass story so I’m going to try to fit it all into a short paragraph. My sister had/has a best friend, we’ll call her M and I was friend’s with M’s little brother, we’ll call him J, and basically it was like the 4 musketeers. Skipping through the years cuz nothing interesting has happened, we get to the night of M’s birthday party. My sister and their friend E hid from M somewhere in the house (nowhere to be found) and till this day we still don’t know why they hid from us. So basically M got really upset about it and that kind of destroyed the friendship between M and my sister. During their fallout, I was there for M. I guess you could say I was her new best friend. We hung out all the time and talked so much. Now, fast forward to the day I told M I was gay. I remember it so vividly. We were sitting on the carpeted floor of her purple room in front of a long mirror that hung on her closet door, and she was curing my hair. I don’t remember how it was brought up but that’s when I told her I was gay and then she admitted that she was bi. So after that we were closer than ever. We were best friends but there was also something special between us. Then one day I texted her and told her I loved her. She said she loved me too and sadly after that we kind of stopped talking. But when we started taking again, we were still the bestest of friends until I brought it up again and told her I loved her once more. We then went onto snapchat and were talking off there cuz she didn’t want people reading her texts. We talked about dating and then I asked her out but then she got mad and said “no i wanna ask you out!” and so she asked me out and we dated. After that we stopped talking. We were dating yet we didn’t talk. The first text I got from her after a few days was her breaking up with me. It broke me but I agreed. My biggest mistake was not talking to her during the time of us dating. So we stayed friends but we weren’t that close anymore. Fast forward again, she’s dating someone. I don’t know who because she hasn’t told me. Of course she didn’t tell me though, we weren’t close. Then i asked her and she said it was G. Her best friend. Her best friend who everyone though was straight. No one expected them to get together. Here’s when everything gets complicated. I’m heartbroken from her dating G so I self harm. I have severe depression and anxiety so that just pushed me over the edge. Over time of them dating i couldn’t take it any longer and texted M about me still having feelings about her. I told her that I still loved her but i would never do anything to jeopardize her and G’s relationship. She responded with (and I quote), “I always had a feeling it was me. I never saw us as dating though. I saw us as just having a strong connection at one point. I think we kinda just got really close and put a label on it without it, I didn’t really see it as that and I’m sorry that I didn’t. I never meant to lead you on, but I could never hurt you. I wish i saw how serious you were about liking me. I just thought it was something for a few days and you’d move on. I am really happy in my relationship rn, and I wish we could be friend. But I know you said you woudn’t want that if you didn’t get back what you wanted. I’m really sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, I just want to be honest. You are one of my best friends, who have been there for me for a while. But I’m sorry {my nickname she gave me}, I never saw it as us officially together. I just really thought it was a close connection thing.”. That message broke me into a million pieces knowing that everything was lie. That everything meant nothing to her. I cried so much that night because my heart ached in a pain I will never forget. A pain I will always feel. Anyways, we’re friends again and shes also been friends with my sister too for awhile so that’s good I guess. She’s still in a relationship with G but honestly it’s not that healthy. Everything’s a mess but I think shes just blinded by Love. Even my sister has told her that she should break up with G but she won’t listen. I don’t even care if she’s in a relationship with G anymore, I just want her to be happy. I wish I could go back to the days where we snuggled up together on her Nanny’s small cough even though we didn’t fit, we sweated our asses off, and there were two other couches. I wish I could go back to that one moment where were we sleeping in the blow up bed and I wrapped my arm around her pretending I was asleep and she snuggled into me and I kissed the top of her head and breathed in her scent. That’s where I was the most happiest. Now I’m just broken and tired and done with life. So there’s my story for you! Hope you enjoyed reading about my pain 🙂

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1 Comment

  1. Renee

    I’m glad you don’t hate her, and those memories will always be so precious no matter how your friendship ends up. I want you to love yourself, pick a favorite characteristic. Your soul is beautiful and I want you to know that you will make it though this love.

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The place to rant