My romance luck is just so shitty.
It’s always like this.
I got close to a guy, everything went smooth and seemed promising, but suddenly they just left me alone.
8/10 relationships i’ve had, ended with the guy left me for various reasons.
…And it’s not just the official relationship. From just a harmless crush and flirting, to some pretty serious 3-5 years relationships. Everybody fuckin left.
Of course some were obviously just toying with my feelings, and some actually had reasonable reasons like principle differences or because they weren’t ready to bring it to the next level (marriage).
But still, it doesn’t help my insecurities.
Because of all the guys left me, i can’t help but think (and feel) that there must be something wrong with me. Something i lack. Something that made them lose interest and left. I don’t really have that high of self-confidence in the first place anyway, plus my social anxiety game is strong, and so every time this kind of thing happened (most recent was a few days ago when someone i thought would finally be the one, is suddenly now giving me a cold shoulder out of nowhere and stop contacting me, even gave half-ass replies every time i tried to start a conversation), i started to blame myself even more and it makes my self-confidence goes even lower.
My friends- they said i shouldn’t lose hope, but then again i’m tired of hoping, expecting, and then got disappointed again and again. I’m tired of crying myself out in the middle of the night, wondering what did i do wrong, was it because what i said, why did yet another nice guy left me. I’m tired of all the unexplained break-ups, all the lies, all the heartbreaks, all the tears and sadness.
At this point i just wanna cry. I am now feeling really insecure, and worthless, and unwanted. I’m getting old, my friends are all married and have kids. And i started to doubt that there’s someone out there for me. I started to lose hope, i don’t want to but i started to feel numb. Maybe i don’t destined for love. Maybe my soulmate’s dead lol. I don’t know, i just….. I hope i can finally meet someone who actually loves me, all of me, all the ugliness and flaws in me. I don’t hope for someone perfect, i just want someone who truly loves me for who i am, all of me. I wonder if there’s someone like that for me.