I’ve been single all my life. I have never been attracted to anyone; never had a crush either. And it was always strange, being the only one non experienced.
I am your typical shy introvert that can’t look at the opposite gender in the eyes, get extremely anxious of socializing that caused me to mess things up. This has never been a good trait of mine and people often have a very terrible first impression of me.
But not for this one. Here how our story started. I started working at a restaurant after I graduated highschool, just to get some extra pocket money while i wait for university to start. The restaurant i work at, hire mostly foreigners. They happened to be from Nepal. Which is a very common thing happening here in my country; hiring foreigners from small/poor country to cut cost.
My current significant other, i shall call him AS for this story time, AS is very flirty. The majority of the workers are male, and there’s only two female workers (me included). Thus, both of us have gone through his flirty joke. I straight up labeled AS as a fuckboy only after a few days working there. But he changed. So so much.
My female coworker, N, told me many times about the changes. He stopped flirting with her, and only focus on me. He started to take his job more seriously. And he began to think about his future and regretted his past. All, because of me.
It took me an entire month, to slowly see his changes, to finally realise, that he is serious.
After a month of casual flirting, plus a few occasional episodes of me rejecting him, i finally felt his love. AS was so genuine, he is so so pure. He can barely talk in English but that didn’t stop him from holding a conversation with me. He would look into my eyes, full of love.
He is my first everything. My first time i ever felt this loved by someone. My first time loving someone back. My first kiss.
When i asked what makes he love me, he said he felt it without knowing why, but he knows for sure i have a beautiful heart, that he didnt see in someone’s else all his life (he’s older than me too)
His words are poetic, because of his poor English, he often looks up quotes and memorised them to use when he couldnt explain his thoughts. He wants to see me every night, even when we literally worked together everyday for 8hrs.
Some of my favorite memories was when we talked about our future, occasionally kissing. Forehead against each other, slipping words out bit by bit, whispering. The warm breath of his against my lips was the best feeling I’ve ever experienced.
Here’s come the rant.
We know, deep inside we dont have a future together. He is an immigrant, temporary at that. We are different race, religion, and have different culture. My parents, who could be racist on certain times will definitely HATE it if they knows. And whenever I talked about marriage, he would whispered I shouldn’t, I’m still young and that he would just ruin my future like he ruined his. It broke my heart, so much.
Soon i will have to quit and study, while years later his contract will end and he will fly back to Nepal. Our relationship seems so hard to last till marriage like i want it to, like we both want it to.
He would occasionally tell me to not forget about him soon when i left/when he left and i would cry. I dont want that day to come, he gave me so much happiness and love i never thought I deserve to get.
Will things ever work out…..