Okay, so this is a bit of a late rant but the problem is still as significant as ever. So about five months ago I met this guy online that I discovered to have connections with in real life. I don’t know many guys but all I know is that I really liked him and he really liked me. We’re both in the same grade in different high schools, seniors next year. So to cut a long story short, we started dating when I decided to meet up with him without my parents knowing. It was wrong, I know that. But anyways, I kept our relationship hidden for as long as I could. Which lasted for about a month until my parents found out. They banned me from talking to him, dating him, seeing him, etc. They took my phone away and all my privacy. I was grounded until I graduated (I still am). I continued anyways behind their backs. My parents are crazy as hell and don’t even let me talk to people of the opposite gender so I honestly felt obliged to just keep everything hidden for a while longer. I really liked this guy, I’ve never liked a guy so much before. Then things got worse. Much worse. They found out again, and this time my dad hit me with these big ass bamboo sticks. What the fuck is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with my parents? Why am I so attached to this guy? We both really like each other, he said he’s willing to put up with my parents and obviously I am, I have no other choice. But what should I do? I know the best decision is to just listen to my parents. But… why won’t they let me even talk to this guy? They don’t even know him. They said I’m never allowed to speak to him again. They say study comes first. But I get straight A’s… They say they don’t want me to end up being a slut. But it’s just one guy (and the first guy ever) and we’ve been interested in each other for five months now… They say I’m a liar. Hell yeah I am. What else should I do to get what I want? I’ve tried to be honest with them about everything for the past 3 or 4 years. I never was allowed to have fun when I told my parents about wanting to hang with friends and stuff like that. It’s always no no no. I never did anything wrong. Now I’m just being a shitty daughter so I can feel like I deserve the boundaries they give me. I must sound like such a brat; I feel like one just typing out this long ass story. But… it’s not like quitting sugar or smoking. They want me to quit talking to a person. They want me to kick him out of my life. Why is all this crap happening just because we both like each other? I already get straight A’s, I already take responsibility in the house with chores and my four little siblings. I’m never good enough. Never ever fucking good enough. They can’t even trust me to spend time in a relationship. They say that it’s just puppy love, so it doesn’t matter. And so what if it is puppy love? If that’s the case, why are they so scared? Why are they so violent and hostile towards the idea? They went far enough as to physically abuse me to scare me off from the idea of this guy. Why is it that every other girl I know in my school doesn’t have to deal with this bull crap? Their parents don’t give a damn if their kids might like another person. Some parents are even supportive of their kids dating. Why do I have to do so much to try to impress my parents and gain their acceptance? And in the end, I just get even more crap?
I know that kicking this guy out of my life will make my parents happy, will make me feel less guilty of hiding things, and will perhaps keep their minds open about the possibility of me dating in future (since they’d “trust me” because I listened to them).
But if I kick him out of my life, my stupid heart will get needy. Laugh at me all you want, but we’re both pretty serious about our relationship, even if we’re only teenagers. He talks about how much easier things will be for us once we graduate, I agree. He said he can wait. But I’m not going to take advantage of that, if I decide to kick him out of my life now, I’m worried that nothing will ever happen in the future, even when my parents finally have no say in who I can and cannot date. It will be too late. If you’re curious, graduation is about 1.5 years from now.
Is it normal for me to be so needy? So freaking infatuated? This infatuation has honestly made me ruin my relationship with my parents; our relationship is on such thin ice. Before I ever felt this way about a guy, I was pretty much the “perfect daughter”. What happened? I don’t know. But I’m selfish, I don’t want it to stop.
It’s either I ruin my relationship with my parents or with some guy I’ve fallen for. It’s stupid, right? My parents are obviously more important. I know that.
But if that’s the case, why is it so hard to cut ties with this guy? I think it’s because my parents won’t even let me talk to this guy, even as friends. To stop talking to him is the equivalent to kicking him out of my life completely. And I just like him too much to do that.
I need advice. I need some sense put into me.