being fat and poor has been the story of most of my life. feeling like a beggar most of my life as a child, as a teen, as a young adult student, it was all poverty. I have never known real money. I am sick of being fat. I hate my body. my fat gut and oversized breasts are disgusting. I can’t bare to look in mirrors or even see my reflection on the computer screen. I tried exercise. less food, different detox supplements and diets. nothing seems to be working so I gave up exercise for a while cuz every time I was at the gym I felt like I was being spied on, I was being bullied, I wasn’t loosing weight no matter how much heavy physical activity I did. That made me feel upset. while at the gym I just felt yuky and like I was being watched all the time by camera’s in the gym. I got sick of pain in hips and last summer I got vaginal thrush and rashes so just gave up exercising til that got better and then I got other problems so I thought “what the fuck shit is the point of going back?” I would have to eat shit to lose weight. I would rather exercise at home and walk more. I am sick of the way when out my mum has to copy everything and she over purchases clothing and then that gets me in a state of falling back into my old patterns. I just don’t want to spend as much on food eat outs and clothing anymore. now and then ok. but not all the time. she was expecting me to pay heaps of groceries since that slut bitch moved out. mum has been struggling financially since my sister left. I need a job and I wish we were all working. mum can work, dad can work and I can work. we need money in the house. we could rent out the rooms to someone else other then family but things need repairing before that. we just need to get money from the sky. I am angry at the world. I wish I had been allowed to be a greedy bitch when I was young.