The place to rant

A place to let off some steam

Rant about self problems

I never really got over this girl I talked to back in high school who I met at some church camp. I was a total idiot back then and knew absolutely nothing about talking to girls. NOTHING. Long story short I was an idiot and there was quite a bit of miscommunication between us. I told her how i felt about her, but she literally didn’t day anything. She just expected me to read her mind. Drama ensued in some dumbass ways following that. That was when I was a junior and she was a freshman. Hell, the last day we talked we agreed to just be friends and left off on s good note. That was at the last church camp I went to with her, because I just graduated a month prior to it ans it was a high school camp. Over the past few years, there hasn’t been one day that I haven’t thought about her, and how I wish I knew better back then. It makes me think that I will never find the woman of my dreams because i just cannot get over her. We were young and dumb but I turned out to be serious about her. She was serious at first, she told me, but like I said I couldn’t read her mind. I miss her personality, her awkwardness at times, her silliness, her laugh. Fuck, I’m 20 and she’s 18. I’m 20 Fucking years old and I can’t get over someone I knew back in high school. I truly thought she was the one, I guess. Every day I go out, I hope for a few things: she’ll want to know me again or I’ll find someone who will absolutely change my world. I doubt either will really happen though. Lately I’ve been frequently thinking about my future, and how lonely I’ll be if I don’t find the love of my life, and if I’m really going after my dream career (I’m in college but sometimes I don’t think I’m truly following my calling in life). And sometimes I think about wether or not it’s worth living if I’ll be alone and unhappy the whole time.

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1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    Hey I’m 20 and alone too. I was sexually abused for years resulting in me being unable to be intimate with people. Can you imagine how hard it is to not want to be alone but everyone my age just HAS to fuck around? I have issues with wanting to live for various reasons, and being alone is one of them albeit a small one that I often dismiss. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is, I can relate. I often think about people I knew a long time ago, probably too much. I think maybe we both should stop living in the past but it’s much easier said than done.

    I am also in college, and career stuff scares the shit out of me.

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The place to rant