The place to rant

A place to let off some steam

self fucking pity

i have no fucking friends. when i say this, i mean real friends. Friends that you dont only hang out for just to seem like you have a life. ive never had a best friend. Its so sad whenever i see memes about best friends and when the teacher says you get to pick ur partner and i have no one. Not o be cocky or anything, but im not bad looking. I’m a girl and so many guys have liked me before. But i guess its my personality and low self esteem that repels people? Whenever i meet someone i worry that they think im stupid or that I’m just a bad person. Deep down, Im not a bad person but i always panic whenever people talk to me.
All these guys that have a crush on me are all weird gamer nerds. Not that they’re ugly or they have a shit personality, but they’re not my type. I wish i can find a best friend, a friend that understands me and I can be myself around them.
Also, Im failing like all my classes because im stupid as fuck. I really dont know what to do. I’ve reached the point to where I dont even know what being smart feels like. I have to lie to all my friends that I’m getting good grades when im really not because im scared ill lose the few people that hang out with me. Why do people seem so effortlessly smart, and im just a dumb fuck? I dont understand…. I’m the only one in my kind friend group thats so fucking dumb and everyone sees it. They realize im stupid which is why im never invited to things. I dont understand.
I can’t defend any of my political views because i have no arguments to counter them. Im too scared to defend my beliefs whenever I get prosecuted for them.
i know im complaining about shallow things and people out there dont even have the same privileged life as me, but i can’t help it. I can’t help wallowing in self pity whenever I dont get invited to things, or when I do get invited, they cancel at the last minute.
All i spend my time doing is playing league 24/7. I dont even care about my grades and I know this would reflect in my future but im really stuck. I dont have the will to live, I dont see my purpose to why im alive.
It seems as if everyone has a purpose. To either grow up and become a doctor, or serve in the military. Become a genius at 20 and create a cancer stopping vaccine. Everyones so much goddamn smarter than me, and better at everything than me. There are so many people that are more qualified to everything than me.

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3 Comments

  1. cherrybomb

    SO FUCKING RELATABLE OMG I AGREE WITH THE PART WHEN U SAY U HAVE FRIENDS BUT U DONT REALLY LIKE THEM AND YOU ONLY HANG WITH THEM TO LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A LIFE. BC SAME OMFG

  2. Anonymous

    Hey, I completely get how you feel. I actually had a best friend and I recently lost them. I know it’s hard to find people, but I believe you can. It’s just hard for people who are shy or panic. All I can say is, keep trying

  3. Anonymous

    Damn same, my friend. In the end I’ve settled on giving myself smaller purposes at a time, like be a good friend, be a good coworker, be a good volunteer, find a hobby I like, spend more time outside, watch a popular tv show that makes you think (doctor who!!! Sherlock! The good doctor is also great!). Gonna be completely honest with you- I had a gaming phase too, and NOTHING came out of it besides a waste of time and earning myself prescription lenses. Having to wear glasses really sucks. Good luck out there- keep us updated?

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The place to rant