So I’ve been a christian for essentially my whole life, since I was born. I didn’t question it at all. Until I started questioning my own sexuality. What I think I am identifiable as now is FROWNED upon by the church and in the words of some people, “those gays are going to hell” or “don’t socialize with those people. they’re gays, so they must be bad”. It just??? I don’t get WHY life is so ironic. I can’t even imagine a situation that I come out in front of several friends and family and even feel COMFOrtable doing so. Or how people that I’ve known for my whole life would treat me after that. And my point is that no one should feel this way?? I mean I’m just so confused because my religion is one constant thing that has been with me for so many years, but there are some loopholes and irregularities with some logic?? Sometimes, when I ask ‘what if’ questions about the above mentioned, it HURTS because I know I’ll never be accepted as who I truly am. If I came out, nobody in my family would know how to react, except by pushing me away. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this HORRIBLe feeling before, but it just feels so wrong to even be typing this now. Just that I know that I NEED some help of any sort. Schoolwork has been killing me and my parents have been a constant pressure to me. I had a bout of depression 2 years ago, and it was bad enough that I felt BAD that I even had it. And the worst part is, I FELT ASHAMED. I know I shouldn’t have, but at the time I felt so uncomfortable in my own body. I brushed it off, and that may have been one of the worst things I have ever done in the history of my mental health. I’m too scared to seek help, be judged, peeled open, discarded as a piece of worthless “waste of potential”. To make matters even worse, I am in a really bad emotional state and my relationships are very messed up, further affecting, well, yeah, GUESS. There’s a girl. She has a beautiful personality. I met her the year of my depression bout, and she made everything better, despite me not telling her about it at all. Now, we’re drifting apart in a new environment and I feel so utterly alone and DESTROYED. There’s a boy. I met him earlier this year, when I first felt HER drift away. He was like me, questioning his sexuality unconsciously. I guess that was what took the cake. The only thing is that I’m confused, we’re confused, and we’re all broken.