my sister has broken me down day after day year after year. she pontd our ny biggest insecurities and she is the reason i learned to hate myself. she deserved nothing. she is 18 now and since she was 11 she has caused me nothing but pain and tears and hardships. 11 years old? i know right how can someone cause you pain at that age. trust me i was 9 years old and i remember every fucking second of it. she tore me down and she ruined me and i will never forget it. it has been going on for 7 years and about a month before she turned 18, i thought, hey, maybe it’s time for us to talk. maybe she’s grown up. but she turned 18 and then she pulled the same fucking shit that she has pulled for seven years. my parents don’t understand for some reason even though they have always witnessed it. telling me how much i’ve gained weight and how i look fat in what i’m wearing, saying i look like a boy(at 10 years old), that i deserve to die, that se will scratch my eyes out in my sleep, that she would kill me if she got the chance, that i’m a delinquent, a fuck-up with no friends, a loser. these weren’t things i heard when i was 30 and able to properly absorb them. i was 11 years old, 13, 15, now 16. i grew up with her shouting these at me day after day until i started to believe them. it pains me that u will never be free of her. that until the day i die we will be connected by blood. my kids won’t know her. she’ll just be the aunt that we don’t talk about. i cannot let someone as toxic as that into my life when i am trying to rebuild it. i used to be scared to go to sleep at night because of the fear that she would come in and hurt me. after so many years of her controlling me i am done and she does not control me anymore. sadly i still have to live with her for a couple more years but i will fight as long as possible. no one will read this whole thing but i just needed to get it out. i feel like no one understands and everyone thinks our family is perfect because my parents are still together but things bigger than divorce can break up a family.