The place to rant

A place to let off some steam

the days of my life

It’s hard to live when you’re socially strange, ugly, and serious. No – I’m not being pessimistic or cynical, it’s just how life is. No girls ever pay me any mind. I don’t blame them because I’m quite ugly. You wouldn’t date an ugly person would you? Now, I used to be beautiful on the inside, but now I am turning ugly inside as well. I once rid myself of this malice and hate in me, but I feel it coming back. I had a disease last year for the whole month of December – I thought I was going to die. That month, for some reason, was one of the greatest moments of my life – but only in retrospect. At the moment I hated it. I felt death looming. But, I was pure as I ever was. I’m not saying I should have died back then, but if I had, I would have died so pure. I prayed a lot. I was happy and at peace. I smiled more. I appreciated the small things. But, once I got better, I was back to the real me…cynical and angry and sad. Sometimes I think back; in December all I wanted was life. I didn’t care how ugly I was, or if I ever had a girlfriend – I just wanted to be alive. Now, I have threw that goodness and purity into blackness. Now I’m sad, angry, depressed, and full of all things bad. Sometimes I *think* I wish I had died in December.
Now I’m here, alone, sad, single, a virgin, and complaining about all these things with this extent of life I was given. It is sad. I can’t help it. I’m talentless. I wish to be a writer, but I have got a feeling I suck at that and my ideas are trash. Every girl out there hates me, well, so far. I get why; I’m ugly inside and outside. After all I explained here, would you dare consider dating me? No, I didn’t think so.

I am so sorry. Sometimes I feel like turning to alcohol to drown away these feelings. I have no escape otherwise. I just can’t be normal. At work I am a weirdo. I am a slow learner, too. I am ignorant and unintelligent. I might even get fired soon. I am saving up money, so I won’t be broke if that does happen. I plan on quitting before they fire me. Did I mention I’m 20 and barely graduating high school? Did I mention I’ve never had a girlfriend in my life? Did I mention last time I hugged a girl was on my 8th grade promotion?

What is wrong with me? Anyone? Please? Help…

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1 Comment

  1. Just a guy

    This might be a bit late, but it does sound like this post needs a comment. If you still feel like this, I need you to do something for yourself (not for me, mind you): Get help. I’m not calling you crazy or stupid, I’m just telling you go to and talk to someone who can get you back on track so that you work towards achieving what you want to achieve. Go see your doctor (or google around) and ask to talk to a psychologist. If that’s not an option, try to find forms of free mental health care or support groups online. There are plenty of those around.
    Best of luck; I know the place you’re in. It’s dark and painful, but not inescapable. šŸ™‚

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The place to rant