There’s a fine line between acquaintances and friends. As it stands at this current moment in time, I’m surrounded by ONLY family and acquaintances.
Why acquaintances? Well, considering I hold a strong presence on Facebook, usually churning out songs and funny videos and the daily update edition of “Draw my life” in text form, I seem to rarely get any notion of feedback, and that usually puts me in the “Meh” kinda mood for the rest of the day, seemingly forgotten about. But it’s when I start chatting to these “acquaintances” on such rare occassions, that, when I formerly held as close friends, I begin to realise that it’s a shitty system, once your out of it.
I’ll admit now, the majority of my once upon a time “Friendship” group was mostly female, i’d say 7 girls to 1 guy #NoHomo, but it was something I was much more comfortable about. and being at the ripe young age of 20, I begin realising that I shouldnt be in such a shitty predicament, bitching about it on the internet. But I guess that’s what it’s come to.
I feel that I have no relative connection with these friends of mine anymore, as I repeatedly see their names bounce on and off on my friends list, and although I understand that they themselves have a life that differs from mine, but when the notion that “they care about me” is toss around, it doesn’t add to jack fucking shit when it’s 2 weeks down the line and not a single word has been uttered from either party, which begins to put me in a shittier mood as I feel like that I’ve become some sort of annoyance to them, and god forbid that I start asking the question to make them feel insecure and “pressured” into talking to me.
I like feeling wanted and necessary to my friends, sure, who doesn’t, but it’s when the picture ends up becoming clear, and as the years go on, you realise that the people you start with aren’t the people you end up with down the line. Sure, these people I can consider as “friends”, but when it becomes such a ballache to have to initiate conversation for them to realise that i’m still around for about 2 weeks gets kinda boring after a while, and you begin questioning every other aspect of the relationship you have.
PERSONAL ANGRY RANT INCOMING
Okay, so I have a friend, let’s call her Ellen. me and Ellen have been good friends for about 6-7 years, and as of late, that bond has somewhat deteriorated to a near doctor-based bi-monthly checkup of “How are you”, “Been up to much?” being the concept of our conversations. But it’s only on a rarity that, once in a while, She’ll read my message and not reply for almost the entire day until I acknowledge that she’s possibly ignoring me. Then the excuses come along involving the family issues and personal issues that weren’t acknowledged or known about the previous week, and she’s normally very open with me. This, in turn, becomes a form of “Lovers tiff” for a temporary period as I get the idea that i’m somewhat not wanted or she’s “busy”. Either that, or the conversation is rushed to such an unprecedented speed that it completely slips any memory and goes straight to voicemail to be remembered and deleted at a later date (Again, in Facebook terms)
What pains me more is the fact that bitching about it, as a guy, I ultimately get the blame and whatever negative outlook as though i’m in the wrong for not understanding her “situations”. Yeah, people go through shit in life, but it’s more over how you deal with the aforementioned shit, and I’m generally a nice, kind and understanding person (Really, I am!), but it’s when it gets to the point that I lose any sense of familiarity with someone that I feel that i’m more just being used.
Again, Another friend (male, this time!) Who left his laptop here for the past 3 years, and its still here. His missus wanted to pick it up. With it all packed up and ready to go, she bails on the pickup…TWICE. Without due warning or planning. and this was 3 months ago. That being said, I believe I’m the poster child of how to become truly antisocial. Although I dislike making the effort, it’s a tiresome and daunting task to adhere to everyone’s personal socialite needs, hence why i’m anti-social; I’m low maintenance; if you talk to me, i’ll talk to you, but won’t make a habit of it unless it’s smooth sailing. But if im left hanging, then what possible prospect could I achieve talking to you?