I am near finishing high school and on my way to college. My true dream career is to be an animator and cartoonist, along with being a graphic novel artist. Basically, I want to use my artistic creativity to influence and help others to live out their dreams and be persuraded and entertained. I really love to draw both traditionally on paper and digitally on the computer.
So far, I have published, written and illustrated a book elementary school, created posters for teachers, painted on trash cans for a communtity promoting recycling, helped in the yearbook committee sophomore year and created two T-shirt designs for my high school and an organization for this club. I have been basically working up on commissions for my art, not to mention having my share of kid fans and adult fans. My grades are pretty good, ranking at 13 in my school and working on getting a job for myself.
However, my parents or better yet, the rest of my family seem to never understand me at all of never appreciate what I do. I don’t get a “I’m proud of you” or a “thank you.” from them at all. The two people that are supposed to be encouraging me and supporting me mock my talents and treat me like a social outcast and a mistake. My mom complains that I never do anything around the house and act lazy when I do most of the chores, I cook sometimes when she isn’t able to. I can wash my own clothes, cook my own meals and even at least pay my own phone bill. Their reaction: IT’S NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. YOU’RE TOO LAZY. YOU WILL NEVER SUCCEED IN LIFE. YOU”RE A RETARDED MORON THAT CAN’T LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.
And that’s another thing. Whatever I do, even the simplest mistakes makes them believe that I’m stupid or slow or something like that. Whenever I speak to my family members about my dreams, they laugh at me and be so patronizing that it’s plain obvious that I can see that they don’t believe me.
I know in order to be able to pursue in the art field, I have to at least have a back up plan or have some form of job to get me by, since it takes time for me to make the money that I need to survive. I planned on being a indiviudal counselor or an art director, or perhaps being an art teacher. However, my parents don’t believe my ideas aren’t worth anything to them. What matters to them is that I become a nurse or a doctor, which is already stressful enough having to not only know what the hell I’m doing, but to follow simple procedures and whatnot and run things. That way, they can mooch off me and beg me for money just like they do with my brother sometimes and my grandma does it to them. I’m not going to continue their cycle for their pleasure and gain.
My parents also are highly religious people. Being Christian Catholic, I’m not really sure but it relates to that isn’t something I really am used to. People treat this “God” as if he was some godly force that can do wonders for him. If that was the case, why did God allow people to suffer? Why does God torture the weak and struggling while the rich and so called superior walk breathing around us? Why do we have to follow some force just because we have to? And the fact that there are rules that disrespect women, gays, the less fortunate and children, not to mention I lost a friend because she was gay and the church humiliated made me turn away from religion. My mom likes to think that following God is going to save my ass without hard work and effort. It didn’t save her from her low paying job and having to deal with her asshole of a mother. It didn’t save her from having to deal with dependency syndrome. Why do I think it should save my ass?
I will not give up in my dream. I am still preparing myself to get ready for the real world and even considering a second job since my job working at my high school is a little less money. Getting a driver’s permit, starting to learn about taxes and whatnot. Helping out my friends and loving partner with college and stuff. I really hope the hard work I did for myself pays off and I can be able to get by as an adult.
I just wish my parents can understand and be accepting of my dreams and talents. That they understand that I have been working my ass off. I am the first generation after my brother to graduate high school, which is an accomplishment from a family of immigrants. I have been in jobs since 16 and plan to do more for myself. That they understand that despite having limited abilities, that I can capable. If they can just understand that, I really can be at least happy.
If not, having to have disownment, estrangement and constant pain is going to seriously affect the relationships I have with my own family. My brother and I have a somewhat good relationship and at least knows my intentions in life, and I hate to have that driven apart.
I just want to be someone that manages to overcome it all despite my weaknesses. It’s not hard to just see what I can do. I guess you might not care or insult me, but I just wanted to release this out of my chest and have no problems. But I guess ranting on a private website is “retarded” of me, right?