Everyone always says what a wonderful place university is. How you grow up, become independent, and meet great friends. No one tells you about the downsides.
I didn’t want to come here in the first place. I’m smart, but Id much rather be riding a horse than sat in front of a book. I’ve got no patience for it. But, I hate my home life. My dad died when I was 14, the rest of my family went to shit, and university was the only way I was getting out of that house. So when my exam results came in, several grades lower than expected, I made a mad scramble to find somewhere that would have me. I ended up in a town I’d never even heard of in the middle of Scotland. But I was away from my family, so I thought it would do.
Since I started university, I’ve spent £8000, not including rent or fees. I’ve gained two stone. Ive had a chest infection for seven months solid, leading to blood tests, X-Rays, and eight courses of antibiotics. I still can’t sleep at night because of the coughing.
Ive watched more netflix than I ever knew existed.
Ive spent more time in bed than out of it.
I’ve consumed gallons of spirits and truckloads of cider. I’ve drunk out of vessels I would’ve never considered a cup, and thrown up in far more places than a toilet. I’ve woken up with 10 new people on my snapchat with no idea who any of them are. I’ve sent far too many drunk texts.
I’ve found bruises and cuts with no known origin. I’ve lost too many nights of my memory.
I’ve been so drunk, I couldn’t control myself.
I’ve had by drink spiked.
I’ve been so off my head on MDMA, MCAT, ecstacy and cocaine that I’ve had lesbian sex, punched someone square in the face, and nearly chewed my own bottom lip off.
I can’t stand weed.
I’ve never had sex with a stranger.
I’ve thought I was pregnant twice.
I’ve been called a whore, slut, skank, more times than I could ever count.
I can count the number of people I’ve slept with on one hand.
I can count my real friends on one hand, too.
I’ve never failed an exam or assignment. I’ve also never had the motivation to study until it came right down to the wire.
Ive been used.
Ive had my heard broken.
Ive become so cripplingly unhappy that I can’t even cry any more.
Ive been raped.
I’ve tried to kill myself.
I’ve also been offered hope. The job of my dreams. Racing horses. I’ve never been so excited in all my life. I’ll get out of this place and do what I love.
If I take the job, my whole family will disown me.
Either I can stay miserable, with support, or be happy, on my own.
No one tells you about the downsides.