So Iv’e liked this guy for around 8 years. But the thing is we’ve never had real conversation. So we didn’t really get to know each other. A couple years ago he went off and got a girlfriend. I thought that this was kinda the message to move on and he didn’t really feel that way about me. So i went off and just randomly dated people, not because i necessarily liked them, its was just because i wanted to rub up their ass. And i know that its a crappy thing to do to someone. I even told them stuff like “i love you” or bull crap. Then i found he broke with her so i felt a bit better about the whole thing. But i still was in a relationship. So then i told my friend alexa if she could text my boyfriend to see if he was faithful. So basically she went and texted him on snap and he ended up cheating on me. So i set the whole thing up to get out of hoco. I tried then to kinda talk to him. It backfired and i was left single. So then i just kinda embraced it and tried to go after him. Then my friend told me he got with another girl and i found their spam account. So then i got back with my ex and everyone was really shitting on us. So we kept it a secret, saying we were “just friends” . I even had to lie to one of my best friends on like where i was and she didn’t know we were ditching class together and fucking around. I did this out of impulse. I just wanted to convince myself that i was over it. Now its summer and i see the guy i actually love all the time. So i told the guy i got back with that i couldn’t do it. Now i’ve continuously tried to be the real dudes friend and i can’t ever work up the courage. I had a group of friends come over seperate times while he was here and they all have said that he likes me. But how do i just go for it? You know when you have that feeling when you know you’ll never get over them, that you want them and only them, it fucking sucks. I don’t know anymore.